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Joke of the Day

"Women on twitter tell me my beard is hot Women in real life tell me where I can find food and shelter ."

"My epileptic son loves our new Christmas tree. You should see how excited he gets when we turn on the lights."

"I give my stoner friends fruitcake for Christmas just so I can imagine them hating me a little while they can't help eating it."

"Which African country has the most obese inhabitants? Burkina Fatso"

"Sometimes when I talk to people I start pointing at crouches. (Point)"

"I had to put my dog down today. I'd been carrying her for a while."

"I hate it when my sock puppets fight. I don't have a free hand to break them up."

"What do you get if you stick ur finger up a moderators ass? [DELETED]"

"how is an antivirus similar to porn? You don't have to pay for it."

"Freudian Slip... I got divorced over a Freudian slip. I meant to say, ""Please pass the salt"" but I said, ""You rotten bitch, you ruined my life."" (I think that's a Jackie Mason joke)"