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Joke of the Day

"The Dominos ""tracker"" says Ashley just left with my pizza so I only have a few minutes to get naked. Just glad it's not Brad... ...again."

"[Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I'm dying]: ""Oh, you don't have to do that, don't worry about it."""

"Do flashers have dreams where they leave the house and suddenly realize they've got their pants on?"

"Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best"

"I'm afraid my dog is an alcoholic. She just can't seem to hold her licker."

"*purposely chooses network with most dropped calls*"

"whats a ghost's favorite fruit? booberries!"

"Why do gnomes laugh when they go for a run? Because the grass tickles their balls. Merry Christmas!"

"How does Bono spell ""color""? With or without ""u"""

"[rap battle] Opponent: *crushes it* Me: Oh, I... umm. I thought this was something else... *hastily hides plastic wrap behind back*"