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Joke of the Day

"Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best"

"Why do men masturbate? It's sex with someone they love."

"The neighbours dogs woke me up last night barking loudly. So I threw my shoes out of the window at them and that shut them up. It was a pair of hush puppies."

"what do you call a feminist who loves to swallow? a semenist"

"I gave a melon a vasectomy. Now it can't elope"

"I won't sit back and let gay people marry. But I'll let big oil melt the icecaps because I believe in a lil' something called freedom. #tcot"

"People are always impressed to hear that I graduated from Harvard at 16, but you can do anything you set your mind to if you just lie."

"My father said to me: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' So I sent him to a boarding school in England."

"What's the difference between a pot head and a person who physically abuses children? One is good at rolling blunts, the other is good at bowling runts."

"I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I'm depressed."