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Joke of the Day

"Teen for rent: Knows everything, does nothing."

"If you remove ET from the alphabet, how many letters are still there in the alphabet? 21, because ET left Earth in a UFO."

"[hell] Me: Why am I here? Devil: You told people you'd say hi to other people 3,789 times but only did it 4 times. Me: OK that's fair."

"I keep the streets safe at night by staying home."

"YSK: Daylight Savings Time ends tonight, make sure to reset all your clocks. Oops, wrong sub"

"I know a guy who is addicted to brake fluid. He insists he can stop at anytime."

"It's 2016, I don't need to set my clocks back manually I just have my Negro James do it for me."

"what do you call a 3 humped camel? Pregnant"

"Isn't calling soccer a sport like calling Ru Paul a woman?"

"[looking at pics] Where's that? -Hawaii Where's that? -Jamaica Daddy where was I? -You weren't born Why's the folder called 'Good Ole Days'?"