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Joke of the Day

"People always say I make things sound sexual but I try not to pry them open and force my thick throbbing opinion down inside them."

"What do you call a woodland elf without any connecting plastic bricks to play with? Legolas"

"I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry."

"What do you use to cut the ocean? A seasaw"

"[In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle"

"Roses are red, violets blue, Open you're legs a few hours or two."

"We had our pot-bellied pig de-oinked He was a little disgruntled."

"The hot chick I hooked up with last night must be a Berny Sanders fan... Because when I went to go pee, I could feel the burn."

"If the Founding Fathers were alive today, what would they be doing? clawing at the tops of their coffins and screaming, probably."

"What is it called when a gamer fights someone? An Asthma attack."