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Joke of the Day

"[In a cucumber submarine] 1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle"

"What do you call a gay dinosaur? A Megasoreass, What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopuss"

"If a car is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon? Zero! Snakes don't have armpits!"

"None of the women liked Richard William Soft He's Dick Willy Soft"

"Did you hear the one about the shrimp throwing a fit? He was just being tempuramental."

"What do you call the horse that lives next door? Your NEIGHHHbor Credit: 6y/o nephew"

"ok that's baby's 17th word *opens baby journal* so far we've got flerch, yarf, veerm... honey has it occured to you our kid is an idiot"

"Have you heard about the new male birth control pill? You put it in your shoe and it makes you limp."

"WIFE: What did you just do? CAT: *bolts for no apparent reason* ME: *bolts in the opposite direction in case she's after both of us*"

"What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a reddit user? your mother"