174021

Joke of the Day

"Someone just used my driveway to turn around and now I'm standing outside with two open beers and *lonely face*"

"A bad metaphor is like a cucumber with a parachute."

"Why did the sperm cross the road? I wore the wrong socks."

"I want transition lenses that turn black whenever someone starts talking to me."

"What do you call a sleeping pizza? A pizzza"

"I would say go with the bigger penis But I really want Trump to win"

"The Apple Watch may become so addictive it keeps people from looking at what's truly important in life, like their iPhones."

"Why do black people hate chainsaws? **RUN** NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA NIGGA"

"What did the suicide bomber ask his son? ""What do you want to be when you blow up?"""

"[JOB INTERVIEW] {Don't let them know you're a tectonic plate} ""What would you say is your biggest fault?"" San Andreas?"