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Joke of the Day

"If you're already in the cop car, I really can't see how puking in it could make things any worse."

"You can literally take anything from anyone as long as you shout ""police emergency"" and run away"

"What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain"

"I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette."

"What do a mosquito and my ex have in common? They both try to suck you dry, try to have babies with your DNA, and then you find them sucking off someone else."

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot."

"What becomes packed between periods? School Hallways"

"You ever hear of Randy the Brown Nosed Reindeer? He was as quick as Rudolph but couldn't stop as fast."

"""Dad!"" my shit says, right before I flush it."

"Hm, want to use firecrackers but not wake the neighbors. I know, I'll light the firecrackers inside a container! Like this megaphone here!"