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Joke of the Day
"If you're already in the cop car, I really can't see how puking in it could make things any worse."
Next Joke
"So it looks like there was a paedophile ring operating at the heart of Thatcher's government. I don't know why everyones so shocked, they were well known for fucking miners."
"Every generation just wants their kids to have a better ""Spiderman"" reboot than they did."
"[first date] Me: so what do you do Date: i'm an accountant Me: oh nice Date: thanks Me: Date: Me: so how many ants have u counted so far"
"Just re-watched the lesbian scene in Black Swan. For the articles."
"What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!"
"People that can't walk are so lame"
"I donate all our garbage to Goodwill because who knows what those bums might have use for."
"Do you have home insurance? 'Cause I'm going to smash your back door in."
"Did you hear the one about the gay couple who were perfect for each other? Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald."