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Joke of the Day

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot."

"If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome."

"What did Donald Trump say to the Mexicans? You're hired! But don't tell anyone."

"Did you hear the inventor of cough lollies died last week? There'll be no coughin' at his funeral"

"People say I'm condescending That means I talk down to people."

"A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming"

"How to do math with sex. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply!"

"I wish people would stop asking me where I think I'll be in 5 years I don't have 2020 vision"

"What rhymes with orange No it doesn't"

"Why do Communists drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft."