166055

Joke of the Day

"What do a mosquito and my ex have in common? They both try to suck you dry, try to have babies with your DNA, and then you find them sucking off someone else."

"I came up with a new word yesterday: Plagiarism"

"Why do people become bakers? Because they knead the dough. (Kneading hand motions required during recital.)"

"What did one mosquito say to another when they came out of the cinema? Fancy a bite?"

"What did one train track say to the opposite track? Wanna race?"

"I lost 130 pounds of useless fat! Divorce is great!"

"Spoiler alert for the lady in this line, repeatedly asking her newborn 'what's wrong?' Its not gonna answer ya."

"At the Bar I was not drunk.. ...At morning I discovered me on my bed but nude!!"

"What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice-cream? Sure, Bert!"

"What's the cheapest type of meat to buy?? Deer balls; because they're under a buck."