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Joke of the Day

"""Dad!"" my shit says, right before I flush it."

"Is milk the best workout supplement? No, whey man! (My first dad joke, im so proud!)"

"Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you..."

"I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder"

"How can you spot the rank of a Russian? By the stripes on his Adidas jumpsuit."

"What did the celebrity say to the tabloid? ""You discussed me!"""

"what does the Bible say about faking your own death to get out of jury duty"

"Mario recently broke up with Peach. His reason: ""It's not a-you, It's a-me, Mario."""

"My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos."

"There was a professional hockey player that had to go to an away game, but he couldn't take his dog along with him. He got 2 minutes for boarding."