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Joke of the Day

"My mom recently figured out that the best way to get me to call her back right away is to text me that someone died but not tell me who."

Next Joke
 
"God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, but He probably hired Steve to help decorate the garden."
"I haven't seen a kid on a leash in a while. I guess parents started releasing them back into the wild."
"How do you circumcise a whale? Four skin divers"
"Me: Yes, I'd like the Mexican massage. Masseuse: The what? Me: *hands him taco seasoning and sour cream* Masseuse: Me: Let's go, chop chop."
"9/11 jokes are not funny guys.. The other 2, however, are hilarious!!"
"Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife."
"I've made myself a girlfriend out of plastic food wrap. She's a bit clingy."
"My signature move is falling in love with a beautiful girl, then giving her really good advice on how to date someone else."
"Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you."