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Joke of the Day

"What did the farmer say when all his cows charged him at once ? I'm on the horns of a dilemma here !"

"Did you know Lysol kills 99.9% of germs & my toothpaste has tartar control? You would too if you sat in my bathroom without your phone."

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 11 seconds."

"This morning I jogged for 30 swear words."

"9: You like Twitter Dad? Me: Yep 9: I'll join and be your friend. M: Cool, extra math is great! 9: It's a math thing? M: yep 9: nevermind"

"Opinions are like assholes... if you get paid to share your opinion with the masses, you probably have a pretty big opinion."

"An astronomer looks at the sky through a telescope, searching for something. After a while he stands up, looks to the heavens, and yells, ""You cannot be Sirius!"""

"What do you call a man with a fetish for US currency who works on a dairy farm? A quarter-pounder with cheese."

"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Testicles (though I'm sure you smarties already got it)."

"Why don't Southern girls engage in orgies? Too many thank-you notes."