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Joke of the Day

"Ironic... is having a coke machine reject your dollar bill for it being rolled up to many times."

"Hey, do you guys remember Sex Ed from High School? He's in jail now."

"My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka."

"I'm opening up a restaurant called: I Don't Care, Where Do You Wanna Go?"

"I can only please one person a day, and i already pleased myself this morning.. so y'all are screwed!"

"Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own."

"Worst Excuses For Being Late 5) Too many dragons 4) Out of dragons 3) I'm not late, Steve is 2) Time is fake 1) Made a list of excuses"

"I used to work at the factory that made fire hydrants. Couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"Villain: We meet again, Mr. Bond Bond: You don't remember my 1st name do you Villain: Sure I do. It's uh.. Bond: C'mon this is our 3rd fight"

"Bing is a fast search engine because you're the only person using it."