117191

Joke of the Day

"Worst Excuses For Being Late 5) Too many dragons 4) Out of dragons 3) I'm not late, Steve is 2) Time is fake 1) Made a list of excuses"

"There's a serial killer in our house! Normal people: ""CALL THE POLICE, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"" - In movies: ""Lets go find him"" -___-"

"Nurse pops her head into the doctor's office..... Nurse: 'Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.' Doctor: 'Tell him I can't see him.'"

"Why are blind people bad at math? Because they lack da-vision."

"I hired an old German plumber when remodeling my apartment He was a great guy, very reliable and thorough. But it seems old habits die hard. He connected gas main to my shower."

"Why can't ewoks yell in the house? Because they have to use their Endor voices."

"I asked my heart why I can't sleep at night? Heart replied ""because you slept in the afternoon, don't act like you're in love"""

"Real sentence from a press release in my inbox: ""Donald Trump lives, works, eats and employs people of all races and religions."""

"Behind every engineer in jail.... Is an Architect."

"A postcard home: The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful."