172424

Joke of the Day

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?"

"If only people were named after their tattoo's. This guy standing in front of me in Petro Canada Would be named Machine gun-Snake-Jesus."

"You Can Tune a Piano but You Can't Tuna Fish"

"Q: What kind of socks do you find in your backyard? A: Garden hose."

"When the cashier asks, ""Paper or plastic"", I say, ""Plastic"", then use the bag to suffocate a bird in the parking lot while staring him down."

"*man invents wheel* ""How can we possibly improve this?"" *Man invents wheel of cheese* ""Nailed it!"""

"What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar? A mar tiny."

"Lif... ...is too short."

"I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words... ""Were you fired?"""

"Why are gay men so good at holding their breath? There isnt a lot of air in a closet"