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Joke of the Day

"You Can Tune a Piano but You Can't Tuna Fish"

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"Doctor: tell me everything you told the nurse 5 minutes ago."
"Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig."
"I confuse ""playing dead"" with ""playing dumb"" so if I ever encounter a bear I'll probably be like ""Listen, I don't even know how I got here."""
"I had dream that I really had to take piss When I woke up I had peed myself. Thats when I relised... dreams really do come true"
"I was late to a meeting traveling to West Virginia. I forgot to reset my watch to the mid 1800s."
"This year I got my wife the Baking Bible for Christmas because last year I got her the Baking Quran, which really blew up in my face."
"What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation."
"What do you call a boat with a hole? A sink."
"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?"