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Joke of the Day

"Why does Pinocchio lie? Because he's a fucking liar."

"*at a concert* ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK (Crowd) ""YEAAAAH"" LETS DO THIS HIT IT *30 second ad plays first*"

"[WARNING, spoilers ahead!] 1.) Storing milk at room temperature 2.) Grandparents 3.) Black people in a movie theatre"

"@NBCSports thank you for making the sports"

"Here's $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me."

"I'm a strict vegetarian. After I kill a cow I don't eat ANY of it."

"Roses are red violets are blue Roses are red and Violets are blue Sugar is sweet and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead The sugar bowls empty and so is your head"

"Y2K? Because 1 K isn't enough."

"What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell. She's got a grenade in her mouth."

"How did cell embarrass vegeta? He put a hole in his trunks."