200526

Joke of the Day

"Roses are red violets are blue Roses are red and Violets are blue Sugar is sweet and so are you But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead The sugar bowls empty and so is your head"

"Maybe the reason that goats are so angry is because they don't have hands to stroke those magnificent beards with while pondering quandaries"

"The police get mad at you if you try to marry a squirrel. Even if you're pretty sure it's a girl squirrel."

"you got to be fast to make it in advertising kid. gotta be snappy. gotta be clever. how would you sell a car? thats right: titties"

"My career is in ruins. It's fucking great being an archaeologist."

"If you stop at a yellow light I'm going to assume you have something illegal in your car."

"I hate when women try to talk about sports... You don't see me in the kitchen telling them how to make a sandwich."

"How do you kill a circus clown ? You go for the juggler"

"What do pirates like to wear during the winter? Scarves"

"What does Tupac Shakur and Oceans 13 have in common?... They were both shot in Vegas!"