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Joke of the Day

"Dear President Obama, I've got a joke for you... I texted it to Angela Merkel. Did you... *get it*?"

"*Guy tries giving me his phone number* Me: Oh no thank you. I already have one"

"How do you spell that? t-h-a-t"

"What did Oliver Twist say at the slave auction? Please sir, I want some moors."

"Why are Vampires Democrats? They want Gore in 2000."

"I'm a tire in real life It's a wheel hassle."

"Pigeons die after they have sex... Did you know pigeons die after they have sex? At least the one I fucked did."

"I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl. I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages."

"JIMMY THE BULB Q: How many old-timey gangsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: We ain't sayin' nuthin'."

"15000 CCTVs 2b installed in Delhi 4r Obama's visit. This is ridiculous. Just because he's black doesnt mean he'll steal anything. Racists!"