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Joke of the Day

"[Worm sitting alone] WAITER: Dinner for 1? Dumb question W: But- *worm cuts self in half* *waiter shrieks* 2nd WORM: I'll have the prime rib"

"No child left behind! Act of 2001, The legislation was proposed by President George W. Bush Behind what? behind the Front line. . ."

"I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex It's the quickest way to deflate her"

"Not sure video Instagram is a good idea. I've never looked at a picture of someone's dinner and thought, ""If only I could hear this."""

"What's the difference between swine flu and avian flu? Bird flu needs tweet-ment and the swine flu needs oink-ment! Ha"

"Geologists have jokes too Steve: ""Hey, what kind of rocks are these?"" Geologist: ""They're sex stones."" Steve: ""What? Really?"" Geologist: ""Yeah. They're just fucking rocks."""

"Teacher: Why are you pushing garlic into the computer's disk drive? Pupil: To keep vampires off the Internet Teacher: But there aren't any vampires on the Internet Pupil: See? It works doesn't it?"

"I like my women with curves. Lots and lots of curves. In a sort of spiral shape, maybe with ketchup. Curly fries. I like curly fries"

"Possum 911: What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing? Possum: Oh yeah"

"A man is at the airport. The airline attendant asks the man, ""Do you have any baggage?"" He replies, ""I haven't talked to my parents in 3 years, I have depression, and I'm still a virgin."""