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Joke of the Day

"Possum 911: What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing? Possum: Oh yeah"

"Falling asleep at work didn't get me in trouble. Falling asleep at work and snoring got me in trouble."

"What do robots eat? A bit of this and a byte of that. Courtesy of /u/DabsyGalore here http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/1dnslv/i_made_a_working_rollercoaster_using_only_canned/c9s630i"

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo? I've never had a garbanzo on my face."

"What's the difference between the average yogurt and the United States of America? if you leave a yogurt alone for two-hundred years it'll develop a culture (also it can be fat free)"

"NO, I will not come get candy from your van, Im not craz.. Oh cookies? Hmm. Double stuff?! You don't say! The white one w/ no windows? Sure!"

"What's the difference between my wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

"A redhead tells her blonde sister, ""I slept with a Brazilian..."" The blonde replies: ""Oh My Gosh! You slut! How many is a Brazilian?"""

"What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste."

"A man asked me, which is worse, ignorance or apathy? I told him, ""I don't know, and I don't care."""