169801

Joke of the Day

"What happens when Anthony Weiner tries to shake someones hand? They think long and hard before they touch weiner."

"REP: we are pleased to provide u with the highest level of customer service! ME: oh sorry, got the wrong number. was tryin to call comcast"

"""Sir you can't bring your dog onto the plane"" [labradoodle puts on tiny pilot hat] ""Omg captain I'm so sorry"""

"""Damn girl! I think you're giving me mesothelioma cuz yo ass bestest!"""

"The Student Special Okay, so my friend and I went into a Chinese restaurant for lunch. They have student specials labled as K1, K2, K3, and K4. He walks up and asks for a K9."

"Is the ocean salty because... the land doesn't wave back?"

"What do you call a 100 spiders on a tyre ? A spinning wheel !"

"[labels account ""18+""] [tweets exclusively about voting & buying cigarettes legally]"

"Men don't ignore us; they have selective hearing. Give them instructions for roasted turkey & they'll remember ""breast, thighs, moist & hot"""

"There is no ""I"" in the word ""team,"" but I don't think that means anything about team work. That's just how it's spelled."