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Joke of the Day

"REP: we are pleased to provide u with the highest level of customer service! ME: oh sorry, got the wrong number. was tryin to call comcast"

"Childhood obesity is on the rise and so is underage sex.. What I want to know is who's fucking all these fat kids."

"My kid spilled milk in the back of my car last week ... Now I tell people it has a stinky dairy-air."

"What's the difference Donald Trump and my Vagina? One's a Cunt and the other has nice hair."

"H: ""Whatcha doing?"" Me: ""Going on twitter to hang out."" H: ""Twitter is an app, not a place."" Me: *whispers venomously* ""Is too a place!!"""

"volcano (n.) [vol-key-noh] A mountain getting its rocks off."

"Live every day like it's your last! . . . So now I'm 26 stone, have a drink/drug problem and about to face life imprisonment."

"It's so quiet in our office you can actually hear the dreams fizzling out."

"Planet joke. If you make a cake that looks like Mars, could you say it's out of this world? ;)"

"A cannibal's dillema: If God didn't want us to eat people why did he make them out of meat?"