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Joke of the Day

"""Sir you can't bring your dog onto the plane"" [labradoodle puts on tiny pilot hat] ""Omg captain I'm so sorry"""

"Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now"

"Why were Kay's pets scared of Kay? because... K8 K9"

"I'm going to hell for this but..... *knock knock* Who's there? *9/11* 9/11 who? *you said you'd never forget*"

"HANG GLIDER COP: I see a crime happening directly below me [glides on] Not much I can do"

"Welcome to heaven, here is your harp. Welcome to hell, here is your accordion."

"My mom got remarried to a man with a son, and he just crapped in our bathroom. So now I have a step-father, a step-brother, and a step-stool!"

"What do you call a German Barber? Herr Cut."

"Want to hear a broad generalization? All women are complicated."

"Random girl: OMG I love your UGG boots Me: No No... that's just the way my feet look"