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Joke of the Day

"You better get out of here before the S.W.A.T. team arrives I just blew up a toilet. Say, did you hear the one about the man with chronic constipation? No? Well, no shit"

"What does Sean Connery wear to avoid the paparazzi? His shunglasshesh"

"Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?"

"""Pumpkin spiceberg, literally right ahead!"" -White girl Titanic"

"Why do they use liquid soap in the Navy? It takes longer to pick up"

"""I take pride in my job. I transport the worlds most precious cargo"" -oh, u drive a school bus? ""LMAO Hell no! I'm a drug smuggler u nerd"""

"What do you say to a motivated ghost? That's the spirit!"

"So we're just gonna walk around pretending it's not weird that one of our hands is just worse at everything?"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Baby Owl. Baby Owl who? Baby Owl see you later baby not."

"I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.... ....she was in charge of the hops."