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Joke of the Day

"I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.... ....she was in charge of the hops."

"According to Facebook a bunch of handsome dudes got together and decided to marry all my ex-girlfriends"

"Surely these children should be in bed by now? - me, anytime after 4pm"

"What did the customer say to the pet shop assistant after buying a bunny? Rabbit up nicely it's a gift!"

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire? Bernadette."

"Did you hear about the scam artist born with only one testicle? The doctors say it's a congenital defect."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"If the Pilgrims came over on the Mayflower how did the barbers arrive? On clipper ships."

"Where did Neanderthals get their chicken wings? Cave-FC"