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Joke of the Day

"What did the suicide bomber say when he saw a naked girl for the first time? Nothing. He just exploded."

"DATE: I'm leaving ME: Why? D: You keep pretending to be a bat M: I don't D: You're doing it right now [a single tear rolls up my forehead]"

"Did you know that if you pull off a lizard's tail it'll grow back? And if you pull it off again the lizard will be like, ""Dude, c'mon..."""

"My uncle died from a turtle stampede. It was a slow death."

"There is nothing more enjoyable than watching a child being chased by a seagull."

"The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC..."

"What is a neckbeard's favorite language? M'lay."

"I just ordered a door bell on Amazon... Shit, how am I gonna know when it gets here?"

"I love the way the Earth rotates... It makes my day."

"How many white people can you fit in a can? Crackers don't come in cans, they come in boxes!"