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Joke of the Day

"If you ever get attacked by a shark, don't forget to take a moment and appreciate the statistical improbability of it all."

"My friend and I were hiking Me: ""That's a huge rock over there!"" Him: ""Boulder."" Me: **""That's a huge rock over there.""** EDIT: Thank you guys for the most upvoted post I've made!"

"I asked for her number she said sex sex sex I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight! I said, Wow! Then her friend said, She means 666-3629."

"TRIGGER WARNING National Rifle Association of America"

"Hey, who did you vote for?... I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!"

"Three New Yorkers are sitting at a bar... I only know this because they won't shut the fuck up about being from New York."

"Q: Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money? A: He wanted rich milk."

"What do you call cartoon duck sausage? Huey Louie Andouille."

"RIP George Michael I guess this was his 'Last Christmas'. What? Too soon?"

"Date: what kind of work do you do? Me: I dabble in real estate [Dad yells down the stairs] She visits open houses and eats the free cheese"