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Joke of the Day

"guy: my dog just died girl who studied abroad: wow that reminds of this one time in Europe i saw a dog"

"I'm having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it's mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. I'm having wine for dinner."

"What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass? A spy, duh."

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."

"A giraffes' tongue is 18 inches long. Good thing it's not 12 inches long. Otherwise, it would be a foot."

"Greek people must feel like a tampon. They live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, but at the worst period."

"I had phone sex with my boyfriend over a walkie-talkie. I could hear him coming from a mile away."

"my fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that i lied about on my drivers license"

"Friends are like bricks it's kinda funny when you throw them through a window"

"What did Kim Jon Un say when his father died? Looks like his Korea is over"