198479

Joke of the Day

"Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away."

"A guy got a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his dick... Now he can play with his money, watch it grow, and you can't find a girl who can't blow a hundred dollars."

"Knock knock! Who's there? Police. Police who? Police open the door -- I forgot my lunch!"

"What do you call one chickpeas smashing another? Hummuscide... *italics* gentleman bows"

"I'm like a kid. People like me best when I'm quiet or sleeping."

"What did the mailman ask his girlfriend? Will you envelope with me? (I know its Corny, but it makes me chuckle.)"

"Selling a vacuum has to be nearly impossible. They all suck."

"Simba - ""welcome to... The bone zone"" Nala - ""the what?"" Simba - ""elephant graveyard. I said elephant graveyard"""

"What is a pirate's favorite pokemon? Arrrriados"

"The only thing worse than finding a hair in your food is realizing that the person who prepared it has a bald head."