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Joke of the Day

"A giraffes' tongue is 18 inches long. Good thing it's not 12 inches long. Otherwise, it would be a foot."

"I came....I saw.... I'm a lumberjack who needs to stop watching porn & get a *life*...."

"""I bought some dodgy steroids last week and I grew another penis"" ""Anabolic?"" ""No, just the penis"""

"A cash machine has just charged me two pound for a transaction but told me to cover my PIN to prevent from being robbed. Pretty ironic if you ask me"

"It seems like gay guys get the most sex, lesbians get the best sex, and straight people are just fucked."

"I saw an old man being beaten up by a two men in masks. I decided to help... We beat the crap out of him."

"If the Jewish population is 16.6 million people with a constant rate of change, what is 23% of the Jewish population after five years? Ashes"

"If a server comes to my table and asks 'hows everythin tasting?' mid chew I like to grab their wrist and keep them there until I can answer"

"For those who believe that size doesn't matter....would you be satisfied if your woman brought you a small sandwich?"

"I'm giving up alcohol for a month. Wait sorry, that didn't come out right : I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month."