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Joke of the Day

"A giraffes' tongue is 18 inches long. Good thing it's not 12 inches long. Otherwise, it would be a foot."

"My coworker looked like a nun today I told her she should break the habit"

"What expression would be the worst if taken literally? Shit a brick."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... orders a beer and a mop."

"Whenever you feel depressed, imagine someone tickling Kristen Stewart."

"I totally owned the mosh pit at the One Direction concert last night."

"I opened a company.... for guys with erectile dysfunction because I felt sorry for them. Now they all want a bloody raise."

"My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library. I said ""WTF man, it's 2015. You can use whatever printer you want."""

"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. ~ Will Shriner"

"Why did the blonde have a sore belly button? Because there are blonde men too!"