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Joke of the Day

"[Crate and Barrel job interview] ""So why do you want to work here?"" DONKEY KONG [sweating]: I love interior design"

"How do you get three old ladies to say the ""F"" word? Yell ""BINGO!"""

"Lochte turns up late for his Brazil hearing... ""Very sorry Your Honour, I got held up"""

"My grandpa died peacefully in his sleep I can't speak for everyone else in his car though"

"Robots If robots were somehow about to sexually reproduce, they wouldn't have to change much. I mean they already have a binary system."

"Why don't black people sleep well? Because we killed the only one with a dream"

"Child twister: ""I can't tear up that farmhouse, Dad"" Dad twister: ""Come on son we're Kansas tornadoes, not Kan'tsas tornadoesn'ts"""

"[talking to bouncer] Me:let me in Bouncer: not after last time Me:would a Washington convince you? Bouncer: no George Washington: c'mon man"

"What do you call a dog that likes Mexican food? A Qdoberman!!!!!!!!!!"

"What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? A widow."