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Joke of the Day

"Donald Trump said that all the Mexicans he meets love him... they are always telling him he is a cool arrow."

"If you've never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive ""to work"" to get a chick to leave your house then you're not me."

"What bird can lift the most? A crane"

"A friend asked me to rate the movie ""Django"" I gave it a 3/5."

"My ex says he's dating someone new but according to his Instagram she's a sandwich"

"I bet even Kanye West occasionally looks in the mirror and thinks ""That was kind of silly, what I just did."""

"I asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat... She said it rang a bell but she didn't know if it was there or not."

"I made a new company, selling landmines that look like prayer mats Prophets are through the roof."

"Jesus walked on water, babies are 75% water, I walked on babies, therefore, I am... In jail. I am in jail."

"Airport security asked ""what's the purpose of your visit?"" So I said ""to terrorize the ladies!"" and we laughed and laughed and I'm being deported."