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Joke of the Day

"If you've never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive ""to work"" to get a chick to leave your house then you're not me."

"[priest bends over my coffin seductively revealing a thong to the entire funeral]"

"Snatch, twat, fanny, cunt, pussy, box, split-arse, and of course vagina. Just a few of the names I have given to my cats."

"If I saw an elephant in the room, that's ALL I'd be talking about."

"I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions. So I bid her farewell."

"[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer"

"What do you call a hard drive in a hydraulic press? File compression"

"So I entered an astronomy contest the other day... ...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize. :-)"

"Yesterday, someone tickled my bone... ...It wasnt Humerus"

"Spilled my bottle of sleeping pills, and now they're wide awake."