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Joke of the Day
"I just quit my job crushing cans at the soft drink factory... It was just soda pressing."
Next Joke
"Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes."
"When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom ""Are these my brains?"".""Not yet,"" she replied"
"Why does Mexico always do so poorly in the olympics? Anyone who could run, swim or jump made it to the USA."
"I'm pretty sure God is a Black Woman Who else would be a single parent whose Son was killed by the authorities under suspicious circumstances?"
"Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car, Throw you off a street so high, Hope you break your neck and die."
"[interview] So what's a personal strength? ""Honesty."" And a failing? ""I murder people who don't hire me."""
"I'm not saying all Irish are alcoholics, but Italians, Chinese + Mexicans have restaurants. The Irish only have pubs."
"I was just about to get offended by a stranger on the Internet when I remembered I'm not an idiot."
"What's the only thing better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ."