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Joke of the Day

"I just quit my job crushing cans at the soft drink factory... It was just soda pressing."

"Watching a film about Princess Diana.. And Diana says ""if we are lucky we will grow old"" and my sister turns around and says bluntly and without a hint of a smile, ""you won't"""

"Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids... I won!! No one's a match for me and my kettle."

"Hey, college students: It gets debtor."

"[son hands me a picture he painted] Me: what's this Son: it's our house Me: have you ever actually looked at our house"

"Roses are red Violets are blue There is one less gorilla In the cincinatti zoo"

"""Do NOT wake her up! It took me thirty minutes to get her to shut up and go to sleep."" -Conversation I just had about a damn Furby."

"Apple So Apple was making a new touchscreen for kids , it didn't go well because of the name , iTouch Kids"

"It's because it's Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, sweetie. That's why. What Papa is doing right now is called an ""autopsy"". Stop crying."

"I like my women like I like my men. That's the joke. I'm bi."