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Joke of the Day

"It's not about retweets or followers, it's about alienating your children so they learn to be independent and responsible"

"Why did Sepp Blatter cross the road? To get to the other bribe"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning."

"I've been procrastinating on lots of projects which means I've been multitasking all morning which means I've earned a nap."

"Two moles are going down a tunnel. The one behind says: I think I smell molasses."

"Big shoutout to the Red Robin waitress who checked my ID and immediately ruined the moment by saying, ""Wow you're, like, older than my dad!"""

"This documentary on tree frogs is absolutely ribbiting."

"ok he'res funny joke lol."

"Went to a Trump rally in New Hampshire this week. Hard to describe the vibe, but ""what if the Nazis didn't care about fitness?"" comes close."

"What's the difference between Kim Kardashian and the Titanic? Ones full of dead semen and the other one is the Titanic"