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Joke of the Day

"Two moles are going down a tunnel. The one behind says: I think I smell molasses."

"Why was the tank top more gangster than the tube top? The tube top was strapless."

"What do you call someone who is rude and has no corners? A circle-jerk."

"What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common? In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier."

"Offering the floral arrangement as a meal to the gluten free, lactose intolerant, allergy ridden vegetarian is apparently not ok."

"If I applied for a job at the Vatican & they asked for my references I'd say, ""Contact Him"" while pointing up. HOW COULD I NOT GET THE JOB."

"""Tell me where the money is or else I kill the girl"" -just to be clear, if I don't tell you she dies but I get to live right?"

"My therapist encouraged me to stop bending over backwards for people. But just between us, I really miss yoga."

"Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can't be right."

"What is the difference between pink and purple? About forty years."