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Joke of the Day

"Big shoutout to the Red Robin waitress who checked my ID and immediately ruined the moment by saying, ""Wow you're, like, older than my dad!"""

"I call bullshit on red wine reducing fat. If there was any truth to that, I'd resemble a crack addict."

"Thanks for always acting surprised by breakfast in bed like you slept right through the great pots and pans avalanche of 6:45 AM."

"Nice try, St. Patrick's Day, but I don't need a reason to drink."

"What do you call a Jewish Pokemon Trainer? Ash credits to /u/nothingbutcold"

"What's a narcissist's favorite color? Reflection"

"Give a man a cheeseburger, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to cheeseburger, I'm high as fuck."

"What do you call a german that does the exact opposite of what he says to do? A hypokrout."

"What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day? Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day."

"What did the two iPhones say to the two iPads? ""Want to get kinky and have a 4G?"""