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Joke of the Day
"Why can't a bike stand on it's own? Because it is two tired."
Next Joke
"What did the stormtrooper say when he was frying Luke's aunt and uncle? I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning Beru."
"My mom should have been on a plane that crashed on 9/11 *I* think."
"A bad metaphor is like a cucumber with a parachute."
"cop: ""you kinda look like one that's all"" me: ""in no way am i a pirate"" cop: ""hmm, are you sure?"" parrot on my shoulder: ""did he stutter?"""
"Not sure, but I think I just got to 3rd base with my toothbrush."
"A stormtrooper just got sent to the firing squad. He will be missed."
"Me: Goodnight Moon Moon: Well hi there. I can't hear you because I'm 240,000 miles away and sound doesn't travel in space. Die in a fire."
"A bunch of coworkers approached me and asked if I was gay... So I told them, ""My pen is with her at the moment."""
"Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen"