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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between an onion and a hooker? I dont cry when I cut up a hooker"

"I'm not self medicating myself with booze. The guy at the liquor store wrote me a prescription. Well he called it a receipt...whatever."

"She threw her vibrator on the subway tracks... It didn't work; the train didn't come any faster."

"I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night He hypnotised 7 blokes then dropped the microphone on his foot and said 'fuck me!' What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life"

"What do you call a wind that never gusts? Disgusting. I'll see myself out..."

"In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues."

"My wife says I'm irresponsible with money! No change there then."

"Just when you thought 2016 was over. Wham."

"The fattest Knight at the round table was Sir Cumference. He had too much pi"

"Giving me a Milkbone after sex does not make it doggy style"