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Joke of the Day

"My work has this cute thing they do where if you're really good at your job, they get you to do everyone elses too."

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"I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey... She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay."
"I've been dying to see Age of Ultron But then I just googled ""How old is Ultron"" and found out he's 47. Saved me $10."
"friend of mine collapsed while he was putting the washing out the other day and had to be rushed to hospital. He almost pegged it."
"Company suspends sponsorship deal with Sharapova after she failed drug test To protect Volkswagen's excellent brand image. They can't affiliate with people who might have cheated."
"What a weekend... apparently gonorrhea is NOT a girl's best friend."
"1992: Girls got undressed for their husbands. 1995: Girls got undressed for money. 2012: Girls get undressed for likes on Facebook and Instagram"
"I saw a chameleon today... ...guess it was a pretty shitty chameleon. *I submitted this joke a few years ago, I'm reposting myself (which was originally also a repost)*"
"My 5 year plan is to get an amp for my bass. That fish sure does love his energy drinks"
"Breaking News: Uncovered Nazi documents reveal a cure for cancer was found An oven.."