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Joke of the Day

"I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey... She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay."

"Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokemon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license"

"Advice to the worm Sleep in late!"

"What is Apple's favorite song? ""Hit the Road Jack"""

"What's crunchy on the outside and airy in the inside? A lightbulb."

"A blonde was watching the news and saw that two Brazilian skydivers died in a horrific accident. She responds with, ""two Brazilian? Is that more than a billion?""."

"I don't always talk to West Point graduates... ...but when I do, I ask for a side of fries."

"My sole task as an elevator boy is pushing buttons. It's just depressing."

"Worst job Who has the worst job at a strip club? The bouncer, He has to work hard all night."

"If you want to get rich why should you keep your mouth shut? Because silence is golden."