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Joke of the Day

"My 5 year plan is to get an amp for my bass. That fish sure does love his energy drinks"

"2nd month dating: A thousand lifetimes with you would not be enough. 2nd month of marriage: OMG you are the loudest cereal chewer on earth!"

"My class was reading a book. It was called Taming of the Shrew. Someone blurted out loud, ""I just thought of a Nazi version!"" ""Taming of the Jews!"" ***** ^^^^not ^^^^oc"

"Australia's got 99 problems... But beaches ain't one."

"Her: What's your biggest weakness? Me: My honesty. Her: I don't think that's a weakness. Me: I don't give a fcuk what you think."

"There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body."

"Guy tip: If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is."

"I just saw a guy put deodorant on before walking into an adult bookstore. I kinda want to date him now."

"ME: For my final wish, I'd like to lose some weight. GENIE: Only way is to eat less and exercise more. ME: This is bullshit."

"There's nothing horribler than a word that isn't real."