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Joke of the Day
"So buddy, how's life in North Korea? I can't complain."
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"Scottish Engineers Q: What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers? A: ""All the Single Laddies"" Edit: Read it carefully"
"I saw Death walking out of my house today... I guess Grandma won. Again."
"[on phone with mom] SHE SAID YES!!!! ""congrats, son"" I asked her if she thought I was weird ""Wait what?"" She thinks I'm weird. We broke up"
"[bill gates house] Bill: What's on at the cinema? Wife: Let me google it and- *terrified look at bill* Wife: Let me bing it and see."
"I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential."
"There are days & nights where I'm surrounded by profound Darkness, followed by a realisation that I need to stop wearing shades in my house."
"[stops girl before she walks in the puddle] ""I got this one babe, *pulling out a straw* stand back"""
"There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user... ...and I snorted the whole thing."
"I really can't walk the walk or talk the talk but if you need someone to drink the drink, I'm your man."