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Joke of the Day
"I do a spot-on impression of a man in his 30's not living up to his full potential."
Next Joke
"Everyone keeps saying ""0scars r our Olympics!"" O for f*ck sake. And our Pussy Riot is Justin Beiber fighting Shia lebeouf"
"I assume the Burning Bush was the Bible's first recorded STD."
"Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital? In the ICU."
"You've killed dozens and robbed hundreds of people using your hammer. What can you say in your defense? – Defendant! Stop clowning and sit down!"
"I just want to win the Powerball lottery and eat unlimited carbs for the rest of my days."
"Know why the whole thing with hitler and the Jews happens Because he asked for a glass of juice but everyone thought he said gas the Jews."
"Diamond engagement rings are so last year. Ask for her hand in marriage by presenting her with a full tank of gas."
"What's the first sign of AIDS? A pounding sensation in the ass."
"Why us it not good to have an oily face? The US might invade it."