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Joke of the Day

"There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user... ...and I snorted the whole thing."

"I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex He's a small arms dealer"

"Did you hear about the hunting rule change? It's a game changer."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says ""why the long face?"" The horse says ""oh...well my leg is really messed up, so tomorrow they are gunna shoot me in the fuckin head"""

"[helping son prepare for first date] ""what if she doesn't like it"" *stuffing handkerchiefs up son's sleeve* be confident in your magic, son"

"When does a joke stop being funny? When you repost it."

"No I don't think you're stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking"

"I'm on at least 5 different social networks right now managing my empire of utter and complete bullshit."

"Someone recently broke in to my nan's flat and stole her precious limbo trophy... How low can you get?"

"An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette."