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Joke of the Day

"My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he replied, ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""

"Alzheimer's can't be that bad You get a chance to meet new people every day."

"When I was a teen, my parents talked to me about safe sex. I'm having the same talk with them about the Reply All button."

"CHRISTMAS TIP: When your kid starts asking questions about whether Santa is real, just tell him to shut up."

"What's got four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of tree it could kill you? A pool table."

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list."

"If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle, she'll probably suck it as well."

"My friend thinks he so smart. He says onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face"

"""I take pride in my job. I transport the worlds most precious cargo"" -oh, u drive a school bus? ""LMAO Hell no! I'm a drug smuggler u nerd"""

"I never want to have a threesome, If I wanted to dissappoint two people at once I'd have dinner with my parents."