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Joke of the Day

"If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chance of a stroke. If you let her finish the bottle, she'll probably suck it as well."

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"What's Alderaan's main export? Dead bodies."
"Wife: Silent Me: What's wrong? Wife: Nothing Me: Grabs shield and sword"
"What is Madonna's least favourite band? Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly"
"I had the left side of my body cut off... But I'm all right. EDIT: I just realize that whether the left was cut from the right or the right from the left is a matter of sincere argument."
"Meanwhile, back at the ranch... Grandma's beating off the Indians but they're still coming."
"I accidentally mixed my coffee my redbull.. After 15 minutes of driving I realised I forgot my car."
"Today was a sad day - we had to pull the plug on my granpa cause I needed the outlet for my laptop"
"[2 T-Rex's getting drunk] ""I'm wasted."" ""Me too. You know how bad?"" ""Don't say it again."" ""I can't feel my face."" ""Goddammit, Kevin."""
"How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge"