215856

Joke of the Day

"""Of course size matters!"" My girlfriend screamed when I told her how big it was. Who the fuck wants a small pizza?"

"What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose."

"Occasionally, I like to go to Walmart, buy a jar of Vaseline, a cucumber and a Bottle of Gin and wink at the cashier"

"Last night I had an Ant on me... Okay, I guess she was more of a Cougar."

"My cat and I have lots in common like how we both cry when we're hungry and both put our ass in the air when it's being rubbed."

"whats brown and... What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and runny? Usain Bolt."

"that fuzzy feeling when he puts his arm around u for the first time and then his other arm and then his other arm then u realize HE A SPIDER"

"Man walks into a bakery Says to the baker ""I'd like to buy a wasp please."" The baker says ""Sir, we don't sell wasps."" The man replies ""Well there's one in your shop window!"""

"I am Harvard Law graduate and interim CEO of reddit Ellen Pao. AMA"

"I read that 30% of the internet is pornography and that really makes me disappointed in humanity... ...70% of the internet is being completely wasted."